29 Sep

I have looked at you several times and I have loved you for what seems like several life times but I still ask ‘when is love enough?’. With you I will always feel like it is enough, I will always feel ready and most importantly, I will always wait.

I met him a few months ago but I feel like it was just a week back. I slept very late the previous night so it was quite difficult waking up for an early class but still I knew that I had to. I did all the necessary things and somehow managed to catch the bus and then I ran into class like a crazy person. This class was not my favourite course but I could not fault it for being uninteresting and lucky for me it lasted only one hour. Soon enough I was done and it was time to hurry off to another class which I was also late for and it that was when it happened.  He was walking in front of me looking like a fine specimen of a man and sure enough that was when I developed my first adult ‘reachable’ male crush. I watched him walk all the way in front of me not daring to overtake even though I was late, all I wanted to do was watch him move though this was unusual for me I relished every moment of him being in front of me. Suddenly, I began panicking because I realised that though I was walking slowly behind him to watch him, he was going in the same direction as I was, I still kept walking and then we got into the same class. I watched him during the entire class praying that somehow he would talk to me some day and most importantly praying that he was single and ready to mingle like I was. I knew he was the makings of a lingering crush.

Many days past with him on my mind and then it happened… I was stuck in a smaller class with him and I got to pick who I wanted for group work; with this situation, it was important that I played it cool but also very fast and I did all of this and got him in my group. Talking to him was heaven for me and a few weeks down the line I knew I wanted him to be mine. He gave no signs as to what he wanted so I was lost but I was determined to find out one way or the other so I invited him over one night. From the moment he took a step into my house it was electric and I still remember it like it just happened, we talked for ages and I was happy, like real happiness that you feel from every part of your body. Finally, he kissed me after taking so much time he finally did it and the happiness I felt could no longer  be contained. Months went by and all I wanted was to be in his arms, I wanted nothing more than to see him as soon as I woke up and he mumbled ‘whats up babe?’. That feeling was everything for me and at every time that was all I wanted and every time that was what I got. Even when we fought I understood that it was all a step towards getting to know each other and without him next to me I would be inconsolable with sadness and the great absence that I felt.

Today I ask the question when is love enough? It’s an answer that I know will vary for everyone but for me it’s very simple; love is enough when he is next to me, love is enough when he smiles at me and most especially enough when he’s sleeping next to me and looks for my hand so he can hold it while he’s sleeping. For him I would wait a thousand years if it meant that I would get to spend the rest of my life with him. The small things have always meant so much to me and for me the smallest thing he does for me that he doesn’t know means a lot is actually listening to me and making the effort to take it on board. To you I say this, I do not know where life will take us but understand this I love you and I will love you for a thousand more years if you let me love you. You are everything I prayed for and you are all my prayers wrapped up in one beautiful ‘kingly’ bow.


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